New Normal

It is the Sunday before teachers go back to work in my former district. This has always been a day of high anxiety, great anticipation, and sadness for the end of another summer. I don't know how to feel today. I've got to figure out a new normal and let go of what has been.
This must be what bipolarity feels like. Having coffee on the patio this morning, I was relishing the freedom. I don't have inservice tomorrow! Minutes later, I was in my closet for something and realized this is the first time in my life I've never been school clothes shopping. I have NO NEW OUTFIT for the first day of school.
My FB friends who are teachers have begun to post their thoughts about returning to work. There have been first day ideas, essays about the importance of their coming work, and lamentations for vacations ending. I feel left out. Hooray! Left out of Eduphoria and signing up for dance duty and learning the names of 300 kids and that stupid advisory class.I don't have to watch the blood borne pathogens video or fill out the Starchart for the state of Texas.
I don't get to stand at the door and greet thirty eager faces at every class period. I don't have a key to room 2104. I'll never have another chance to be the teacher whose student made a perfect score on the AP United States Government and Politics exam. I won't see those hands stop writing and the attention come into the eyes of a classroom of students who have just heard you say something that has meaning for them. That moment when the light goes on and understanding occurs and learning is taking place.
Now come the tears. I need to morn the loss of a piece of who I am. I won't know the kids who check my groceries anymore. I won't be Ms. Bailey.
I'll be at breakfast with the ARSST girls when they have convocation at the Civic Center. I'll be able to go to Grandparents Day at Tyler's school. I'll be a "guest" teacher when someone needs a mental health day or jury duty. It will be a new normal.